Philosophizing

As I stood in front of the mirror, my reflection correspondingly blurred and I felt a momentary perplexity on how to answer such question like, "Who am I?" Because of this confusion, I then asked myself series of questions. Who would I like to be - What thing, what flower, what insect or animal will I draw inspiration from and borrow their traits? Who are the women I should look up to, people I should identify with as a guide to who would I be? I was once a canvass on a shade of white; I was on a clean state, fresh and new until life gets hard on me. In the concept of painting, my life appears like a muddled mess of colors, hues are undefined. I splat colors, I throw paint forcefully. My bare, calm canvass turned into a complete disharmony, this chaos in colors urges me to forfeit.

I stopped and suddenly realized that I could me more and better and more and more. "I should not just be the canvass, I can be the painter; I should be the painter!" And as a painter, sometimes, it is not essential to start on a new, clean and blank canvass. Most of the time, retouching, polishing, highlighting and putting new texture to the messy canvass produces the most astonishing work of art. Life as it is, is messy and difficult. Things pile up like scattered paint, thoughts' mixed-up like colors on the mixing plate. Who am I? I am the girl who paints, who strokes brushes and has colors in my hands, puts God in the center as the one who gave me the talent to paint. Julia, painting my own masterpiece... my life.